Verbosities

Marvel at the courage and strength of these “marquee” candidates. McCain, being as out of the picture as one can be as he descends into the depths of dementia, merits little comment. He is now simply the media whipping boy for the purpose of saying “Look at how uncomfortably erratic he is. You should probably vote for Nosferatu or Lord Romulous as they are much more likely to be effective saviours as we prepare for decade #2 in The Great 100 Years War with the Terrorists.”

And how marvelous they are, standing there, preening and saying very tough things as they examine the “fiction” (wink wink nod nod) of 24. There’s nothing like a good scary scenario straight from the plot of a fictional terrorist drama to get the sissified electorate whipped into a fearful frenzy and beg to be subjugated. “BUT IT”S VERY REAL” you say, “WE ARE INFORMED OF THIS THROUGH ANONYMOUS HIGH LEVEL GOVERNMENT SOURCES.” You speak these things, either out loud or in your head, very authoritatively. You are now feeling just as manly as they because the prevailing wisdom (fiction or no) is always correct.

What strikes me every time, though, is the fact that these candidates, so obviously tough and righteously correct, can’t seem to get the word “waterboarding” to escape their lips. Why? Because it is torture and it is illegal. But we don’t torture, and no upstanding, up and coming Father of The Glorious Homeland would advocate anything illegal. We have “enhanced interrogation”. Ahhhh, feel better now? I know I do. Now, if someone gets stabbed we will no longer use such clunky and crude language. In the 21st century it will be modernized along with everything else, transforming itself into “enhanced poking.”

Lord Romulous also did a fantastic job of one-upping and smacking down (Tim Russert’s favorite street brawler) Nosferatu by declaring that Guantanamo’s size be doubled. That’s straight-up leadership, folks, you can’t go to school for that. Such wisdom could only come from an experienced corporatist—the Olympic Saviour of yesterday is going to be America’s Saviour tomorrow. The real genius of this plan lies not only in the effectiveness of the “offshoring” business philosophy (which has helped not only millions in this country, but millions worldwide) applied to detention, but a good CYA legal maneuver so that it can always be said, “We don’t unjustly imprison people on our soil.”

No sir. We bring freedom to the world, except where it’s more convenient not to.



There’s really only one question to ask here. How far down the drain would this country be without the inherent honesty and informed dialogue of Sean Hannity? It is his whipsaw intellect that keeps us on the straight and narrow in our Glorious Fight. Only a guy that smart would know to ignore the irrelevant information coming out of the mouth of the uppity (and entirely too big for his veteran Congressman britches) Ron Paul, such as his references to Pol Pot, our decades of support for cruel dictators worldwide, and the fact that we supplied the gas that Saddam used (which was seriously convenient in activating our Worldwide Moral Obligation…a few years later). Sean was right to immediately start over-talking and interrupting because such information is irrelevant to the simpleton parameters of the righteous yes/no question.

Like Most People, I doubt such things are even true. And even if they are true, they’re not nearly as true as 24, watched by Real and Patriotic Americans who recognize the urgent need to have armies of Jack Bauer running around “enhancedly interrogating” people.



And just so everyone knows. The distinguished Wolf Blitzer was not being dishonest at all when he spoke of Ron Paul being “the long shot” that “did his best” in the face of the blazing “front-runner” Ghouliani without mentioning that Ron Paul beat him in the FOX poll (and many, many other polls as well--Here is a current one from MSNBC, surely more l337 H@X0rs). That’s because Wolf, like the rest of the media, knows that (even though the FOX poll was a text message poll and not on the intertubes) Ron Paul’s cadre of l337 h@X0rs was gaming the process again. Real Homeland Loving Americans know that constant war and invasion (aka enhanced aggressive leadership) is the only way to fight the nasty terrorists who are going to set off a nuke any day now. Jesus, it’s like Ron Paul doesn’t even know what 24 is, for Christ’s sake.

He probably spends more time reading things from that Chinese commie, Sun Tzu.

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” [emphasis added]

Good thing we’ve never lost any battles. If we had, that Chinese guy and Ron Paul might be worth listening to.